Part 4 - Dyslexia

Hiya!

Originally, I wanted to put everything that happened at university in one section. However, I felt that there was more to say about my academic progress than previously anticipated. Therefore, I have separated my academic progress and the more personal issues. I will talk you through my feelings and struggles with dyslexia. I hope you enjoy!

When choosing what university I wanted to go to, I was limited in options because I had to stay in London. My fellow Muslim girls will understand the struggle more than anybody else. My only options were King’s College London and University College London. This meant that I had to achieve an A* and 2 As but I got 3 Bs. The University of Hertfordshire unconditionally offered me a place.

Some of my family were telling me not to go university because they felt I wouldn’t be able to do it. Being the determined person that I am, this only made me want to go to university more and work harder.

Initially, I struggled academically. I began to think that maybe university was not for me. I made the wrong move. I spoke to my personal tutor about my academic concerns and she asked if I had ever considered that I may be dyslexic. With some good organisation and support from my university, I took the test and it confirmed that I had dyslexia. Dyslexia doesn’t affect your intelligence but only the way you read and write. I always found this difficult.

My earliest academic encounters began in primary school. I was seeing jumbled letters and I couldn’t form a proper sentence. Maths was even worse to comprehend. This made me lose confidence in my work, so I often didn’t want to do my homework and often couldn’t focus in lessons. I would get extra help by SENDCO, but I wasn’t diagnosed with anything. It was a cycle; I would be pulled out of class to catch up but I would end up missing more content in lessons. At this stage, I found learning basic maths difficult with my dyslexia. How was I supposed to learn my multiplication tables when memorisation was so difficult? The school wouldn’t move me on until I learnt all my multiplication tables. The education system is known not to fit with dyslexic people. I remember sitting in one of my SAT exams and thinking, ‘why are there letters in my maths equations?’ I left that whole paper blank, looking around the room at everybody scribbling onto their papers. I wasn’t getting the right help that placed me on a level ground with other students. Therefore, it’s no surprise that I was labelled and bullied for being that “dumb” kid at school. To build my self-confidence, I worked extremely hard in secondary school.

From year 7, the resilience and determination needed was comprehendible for me to catch up. I would come home from school and do work constantly until 3am, only to wake at 6am. Often, I would work even more than this. This was only to wake up for 6am. I went to Islamic school during the weekends. There was plenty of work there too. This left me tired. I never got to sleep in like others even though I was studying excessively. I would fall asleep on the floor, or at my desk. When I was very tired, I’d bring the work to my bed. There was one situation where I remember my mum physically taking my Arabic textbook away from me as I dosed in and out of sleep. If I stopped, I’d instantly slack. My mum spoke to all my teachers. They believed that I was studying too hard. However, I don’t think they truly knew how hard I was pushing it. I calmed down in sixth form, as I knew it wasn’t good for me. However, my academic struggles began to spiral again in university.

At university, while others focused on the complex philosophical materials, I found myself struggling with the basic things. I would be constantly checking and adjusting my essays for coherence and grammatical issues. When I received my graded assignments and essays back, I was continually marked down for these errors that I had worked so hard to correct. It became a cyclical process in which teachers kept telling me, ‘you need to read more.’ I’m sure many people who have dyslexia can relate to that remark. Of course, I read. I’m a humanities student and it becomes very hard to avoid reading at the best of times! Ultimately, this left me at a disadvantage.

It was a huge relief to be diagnosed with dyslexia. Firstly, I understood why I had to study twice as hard as other people in my classes. Secondly, my academic struggles could be resolved. Now, I’ve got softwares which help with reading and writing. I also get personal help to talk through my academic concerns, so I don’t feel isolated. However, most academic tutors have specialities in English which is very different to Philosophy. When reading and writing philosophy, it can often be non-linear and very confusing, a point my academic tutor was quick to notice in reference to my dyslexia. She mentioned that I had chosen the hardest subject for someone struggling with dyslexia. With some help, I started to enjoy the subjects that I chose. My grades went up immensely: a third class to a high second or first.

Naturally, dyslexia has its disadvantages but there are many advantages:

· Creativity

· Problem-solving

· Conversationalists (people who can communicate in engaging conversations)

· Empathy

· Abstract thinking

· Critical thinkers

· Analytical thinkers

All these attributes are also perfect for studying philosophy, creative writing and new media publishing. So, it’s actually a privilege. You may find some stuff harder compared to others, but you can always play to your strengths!

When I was first diagnosed, I unsurprisingly searched up famous people who have dyslexia. As a lover of art, one person who stood out to me was the legendary artist Pablo Picasso. He was described by teachers as “having difficulty differentiating the orientation of letters.” Professionals in diagnosing dyslexia believe that this meant Picasso most likely had dyslexia. This is expressive in his works when looking at his use of subjects/forms out of order, backwards and upside down.

Pablo Picasso, The Weeping Woman, 1937

There are many names to add to this list: Tommy Hilfiger, Walt Disney, Leonardo da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Whoopi Goldberg, Jennifer Aniston and many more. I’m no Picasso, but my point is that these people weren’t hindered by dyslexia. There is no reason why myself or others should be disadvantaged by dyslexia either.

The other day, I bumped into the person who worked academically with me in primary. She was the one teacher who I liked in primary. She remembered me, which I thought was cool. She was extremely pleased to hear that I was taking philosophy. She also taught my older brother. She was pleased he’s taking Law. I feel like this shows how we were never “dumb”. People just never understood us, and so we had to work harder. The education system works against dyslexic thinkers. Nonetheless, with the right help and support we can get the same grades as others.

Despite all of this, I felt annoyed with my sixth form for not recognising my dyslexia and for the lack of support I received with my academic struggles. I confronted them with these issues. However, they projected the blame onto my mum, believing that she was responsible for recognising my learning disability, not the teachers that constantly read my schoolwork. Talking to my sixth form was like talking to a brick wall. They wouldn’t acknowledge what they had done wrong nor did they work to implement a better system.

I’m going to end this blog post here, but I hope some of you have related or have become somewhat educated by this. My next few blog post will be a dedication to my grandmother. I hope to see you there 😊

Shanaz Xx