True Friendship

We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. This directly shapes the quality of our lives. It’s integral we have good company. Sometimes, it’s hard to control who we keep company with. If we can, it’s good to have the types of friends who are ‘true friends’.

What constitutes a true friendship?

Often, I find myself in a constant tug - of - war, pondering whether one is genuine. Is there a specific set of qualities that constitute a true friendship? Are these qualities subjective to certain people? The ancient and contemporary philosophers commented on this. We will arrive with this answer by observing:

1. How many types of friendships there are.

2. What are the different purposes with their given natures.

3. Common friendships in contrast to a true friendship.

Aristotle's highlights 2 common types of friendships:

1. Friendship of utility

• Each party receives a benefit in exchange.

• Temporary in nature, e.g. a business relationship.

2. Friendship based on pleasure

• Most common in young people.

• Emotional source often short-lived.

• Enjoyed through mutual interest but ends as soon as one’s taste or preferences change.

It’s okay to have these types of friendships, but they’re limited in quality. Aristotle rightfully points towards the ideal third category. To him, this is what constitutes true friendship:

3. Friendship of the good

• One appreciates the virtues that the other party admires. This works mutually which is why they hold a base-level of goodness. They must have a level of moral development that can be deemed as equal to another. However, if there is a gap with one’s moral development between each other, it will be an imperfect friendship, e.g. a parent and a child - Aristotle doesn’t exclude involuntary friendships, like familial relationships, from his theory.

• These friendships are often long-term because one’s time and intention are necessary to formulate this. In return, one gains trust, admiration and awe.

• Dependent on mutual growth - most likely if mutual hardship has been endured.

• Automatically contains the two other friendships (pleasurable and beneficial).

We see limited value in these types of friendships because they’re based on self-happiness.

“… those who wish good things to their friends for the sake of the latter are friends most of all, because they do so because of their friends themselves, and not coincidentally.”

This brings light to how we must trust another in order to gain true friendship. That’s the only difference.

Take the film Can You Keep a Secret? If you haven’t watched this, the film is based on a couple’s relationship. One shows complete trust and the other a complete lack of. This distrust puts the relationship at risk of ending. This shows how pivotal trust is in all kinds of friendships.

To show this, we must:

• Show weaknesses/insecurities.

• Have genuine interest in their sorrows or difficulties.

• Reassure that they're not the only ones with those weaknesses.

• Help build their self-understanding.

This list is limited, but I hope it's helped. Aristotle seems to have created a check-list, but concerning the nature of a true friendship: mutual happiness ultimately governed by trust. You must put everything into a friendship to get everything out of it. With this intention, you’re on your way to a true friendship!

I hope this has been enlightening in some way. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

I hope to see you in my next post :)

Love,

Shanaz Xx